Real Talk: Why it Took 5 Years to Get Over My Ex



Some people can fall madly in love, break up and then move on to the next one soon after. Celebrities are notorious for this type of behavior! JLo’s had her fair share of serious relationships, Kim K.’s on her third marriage at only 35 years old and Taylor Swift is in love with somebody new every other day. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors but they seem to easily repossess their heart from the last lover and sell it to the next. I admire such resilience but I’m not that kind of girl. If you’ve ever struggled with moving on from an ex, this one’s for you.

“Crazy in Love”

Remember that wild, passionate, barely-legal love from back in the day that had you grinnin’ from ear to ear for no damn reason? The kind of love that came out of nowhere and interrupted your life in the best way? That’s the kind of love we had, both of us rapidly approaching those infamous 20s. He was the humorous, rugged entrepreneur and I was the sassy shorty headed off to the local university. Our days were filled with matching quirks and endless laughter. It was really something special…until outside influences destroyed our trust.

“Emotional Rollercoaster”

Despite countless issues and miscommunication, we lasted eight years. We kept trying to get on the same page but we just couldn’t get it right. I was playing wifey but we weren’t anywhere near ready to walk down the aisle. It was chaotic and unhealthy and I just couldn’t do it anymore.

“It’s Complicated”

I moved out but didn’t really move on. I hoped we could hit the reset button and gradually rebuild our relationship, but I knew I was taking a huge risk. Moving was a decision I needed to make; not one I wanted to make. We reconnected a couple times over the next few years, but every time he’d get my hopes up, he would disappear.

“Soul Tie”

I had other relationships but still felt connected to my ex. I wondered why it was taking so long to get him out of my system. Why was I ready and willing to take his call whenever he decided to pop back into the picture? Why did EVERYTHING remind me of him?! I began to think something was wrong with me because this man had a permanent spot in the back of my mind. It was even harder because I didn’t have a reason to hate him. There was no big, dramatic incident that broke us up; I had just become emotionally exhausted and needed some time apart.

“Be Careful What You Wish For…”

Shortly after his last disappearing act, I learned that the man I wanted to spend my life with recently had a baby with someone else. Even if he and the baby’s mother split up or were never in a relationship at all, I knew there was no way I could help him raise another woman’s child. I finally realized it was taking so long to let go of him because I had never gotten closure. Yes, that overused cliché actually means something. Perhaps selfishly, I believed the door was still open for us, but not once did he give any indication that it was closed. Well now it had slammed in my face.


It hurt like hell…but finding out about this child finally set the moving on process into motionI was more hurt because he didn’t tell me himself (I won’t mention the effed up way I found out) and instead was still spitting game in my ear. It wasn’t easy but that was the roadblock I needed to steer me in another direction. I was finally able to breathe again after holding my breath for so long, hoping we’d find our way back to each other.

It’s tough when the mind wants to push forward yet the heart keeps holding you back. Many of us have that one guy we just keep going back to. You are not the only one! I had to stop being so hard on myself and accept the fact that for me, it takes more time to move on from someone who had such a huge impact on my life. You won’t be a prisoner of your past forever. We move on from our exes at our own paces, and it’s okay if you’re not getting there as fast as everyone else. Sometimes life has a way of eliminating the things you’re not meant to hold onto.




Written By: Dóréal Quarles, Senior Relationships Editor

Follow Dóréal on Instagram: @IAmQueenDQ

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1 Comment
  1. This was such a relief I love it. I there was a book or an everyday message or article to read about with situation like this and how to get over a ex. I’m still currently going through it and it’s hard because he’s my son father. Then he moved a female in with her 1 year old son a month after we split apart smh. I’m guessing to make me jealous or mad.