EGL recently sat down with Sam (yes, she only goes by one name), a nurse in New Jersey, to discuss love and her new book How to Control the D. The author candidly shares details about her good girl guide to being the best wife or girlfriend he’s ever had.
EGL: For those who have yet to read your book, what do you want them to know about you and your intentions behind writing it?
Sam: I’m not so important- but I would like people to know I’m just like them- a human being who has been “through it” in relationships. My intention is to help women; to show them a different way of looking at relationships.
EGL: The word “control” can be frightening to both sexes when it comes to relationships. Can you explain what you mean by it?
Sam: Yes. Control means exactly what they think it does, however, that it is NOT really about control of anyone in the book.
EGL: In How to Control the D, you speak of women having the power to get a man to do whatever she wants. Does that include monogamy? If so, how?
Sam: No. Monogamy has no place in this discussion because while it is about power, it is not about power over any man; it is about empowering yourself, first. And always.
EGL: The acronym P.R.E.T.T.Y. Woman that you created is supposed to be a daily reminder for women to live within our feminine energy. Why do you believe this is important?
Sam: Being a P. R. E. T. T. Y. Woman is important because it reminds a woman to be herself, and that she is enough.
EGL: You speak of “leaving him at work” which refers to leaving our masculine energy outside of the relationship. Why do you think things are this way in modern times?
Sam: Many women today have the role of head of household, as well as being single mothers, so they work hard. And some of us feel that we have to assume more of a masculine energy to be taken seriously in our careers. It’s a challenge to turn off that kind of energy when so much of our day is spent in that zone.
EGL: What advice do you have for women who find themselves dating a man who has potential but may not be the one? Are there any definite indicators that it’s time to move on?
Sam: You cannot ever fall in love with someone’s potential- you have to love them for who they are right then and there, accepting that they may never realize or come to their full potential. When you consistently see a lack of ambition and motivation, it’s time to cut your losses.
EGL: Chapter six is dedicated to dating commandments. Do you think it’s possible to bend or break them and not settle for less than you deserve?
Sam: No, this is not possible. The commandments must be kept- you must always choose yourself first, and that is what they are about.
EGL: What is the best way for a woman to let go of her sexual inhibitions? How can a man help make the process easier for her?
Sam: There isn’t enough time to answer this question! (Laughing) Seriously, it depends on why a woman is inhibited. But generally speaking, you have to trust your partner totally in order to begin letting go – this requires a partner whom you can trust.
EGL: It is stated in your book that good girls are givers. How can a woman give herself to a man freely in all ways without fear that she will be used?
Sam: Good question. I always say trust your instinct- if you feel like he’s using you, chances are…he is. But always put boundaries and limitations on your generosity- financially and emotionally.
EGL: After completing your book, do you see yourself writing anything similar to this in the future?
Sam: Absolutely! This book is the first book in a series of 3- an online dating guidebook is next and the release date is right around the corner.
By: Nyia Moore
Follow Nyia on Instagram: @write_her