Those nine months were a struggle weren’t they? Now get ready for your perfect reward inclusive of a beautiful bundle and a lifetime of streamlined, endless perfection … NOT!
Doesn’t that sound like the tireless rhetoric you hear all the time? Don’t get us wrong, motherhood is a wonderful thing however there are those unspoken challenges that happen to everybody. They’re ever present but no one talks about them in fear of depleting the human population. So we’ve done you a favor and created a list. We know you can relate to so many of these, just give the silent auction nod. We see you.
- It ain’t all roses and blossom fields.
Let’s start at the beginning; motherhood sometimes stinks, literally. During pregnancy you’re throwing up, things you used to love ,you now can’t stomach eating or using. Everyone is plotting against you with those gross fragrances they insist on wearing. Because your senses are hyper sensitive, everything actually stinks! Fast forward to post pregnancy. The baby is so sweet but can smell like sour milk (if you don’t catch it immediately) and what oozes out of them is super gross. Lesson number 1, invest in facemasks.
- Sometimes you won’t feel like being bothered.
Yes you love your baby and want to do everything perfectly, but sleep deprivation will make you loopy. And by loopy we mean, you won’t care …. about anything. You can watch your baby playing and not even see them, if you know what we mean.
- Children try you endlessly.
The terrible twos don’t start at two. They start at six months and never end. Ever. Whoever came up with this phrase needs to be sent to the naughty chair. The escalation periods between episodes gets worse and you somehow magically learn to ignore them. This ignorance is bliss.
- People are annoying with their expert knowledge.
Your mother-in-law, her sisters, her sister’s sisters, her daughters, cat, dog, horse all know better than you (insert eye roll here). Last we checked your baby is unique to you i.e. just got here. Just like you tend not to hear your child after a while, you learn not to hear everyone telling you you’re doing something wrong. Great job. Listen to the baby, not to them.
- You become defensive of your child and don’t like other people’s children.
Sounds bad? It is. Well kind of. Your tolerance level for all things not-your-child diminishes rapidly. Sometimes you don’t even like your own child. By the time you are finished dealing with them, you’re worn out and have nothing left AND you’re allowed. But on the flip side don’t let anyone mess with your offspring. You get some new found strength and will argue people down like you’re Johnny Cochran.
- You don’t want to be at every function your child is invited to.
Birthday parties, playing multiple sports, being in every club and having tons of friends is good for their social development and well-being, but yoooooo does it have to be soooo much?? Sometimes, well honestly lots of times, you will silently pray for rain or cancellations, even hurricanes, just so you can be at home, in peace. “Not me!” you say. We say: “You’re lying”.
- You will shout.
We give everyone the side eye that says otherwise. If you proclaim that you speak in soft tones and lullabies all the time, we beg to differ. Shouting sometimes is the saving grace for other things you imagine doing. Shouting is good.
- Not everyday is a Susie Home Maker Day
Yes well balanced, nutritious meals and having a spotless home with pot roast and apple pie like Donna Reid is goals, but who stays at home all day in an apron and cooks in heels? No one that we know! Pizza, hotdogs and unfolded laundry is okay and an occasional swig of the wine while handling it all is necessary. Not dirty dishes though, handle that.
- Doing things alone and for yourself will be dreams.
Yes, you’d rather be at the nail salon or at the spa sipping on Prosecco, or better yet at Chanel buying up what you want. Actually every now and then you need to be doing this for your own safety and mental procurement. Survey says: It’s ok to feel this way and we encourage doing it.
- It is very possible to love and really, really dislike your child at the same time.
When sarcasm and back talk starts to kick in … wooooo boy! Sometimes you have to zone off into another fantasy world to help everyone involved. We challenge any mother to come forward that says her love doesn’t border on unwavering during these times. Someone? Anyone? That’s what we thought.
- You question yourself as to why you became a mother, sometimes often.
- You may wish for your pre-child life back.
For many, the carefree, do–what-I-want-when-I-want days are in the distant past and you secretly want them back all the time. You start to have withdrawals, near convulsions when you look at pics of your hot, pre-baby bod. You dream about what you would’ve done and where you would be if you didn’t have a child. Calm down. It’s okay, we understand.
Reality Check! Don’t listen to the fairytale part of motherhood that others try to feed you. People tell lies (lol). This is hard work! Motherhood comes with more downs than ups, more crying than laughing and more questioning yourself than being sure. However, it is the most rewarding, most fulfilling, most awesome journey you can embark on and we highly recommend it. Just find a strong support group and a handy-dandy bottle opener near you and you will be fine!
Written by: Joyanne Lawrence
Follow Joy on IG & Twitter: @Iam_Joii