[untitled image of woman questioning]. Retrieved March 3, 2016, from http://bayareanuccacare.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/question-woman-with-blackboard.jpg

 [untitled image of man]. Retrieved March 3, 2016, from http://photos.essence.com/sites/default/files/images/2015/02/16/we-went-source_347x520_1.jpg
Attractive, single and passed over. We all know women that fit that mold. The question is why? And if asked why they’re single, a common answer is that men don’t approach them. There are several variables on why a man may choose not to approach a woman; here are a few common reasons.


He can’t get your attention – A myriad of things can prevent this from happening. If you’re constantly on the move throughout an event, entertaining too many people or you’re in an isolated location, it can make it impossible to even bump into you or send you a drink. Whatever the reason, he can’t get in proximity to crack a smile, make eye contact, or start a conversation.

He wants to avoid the pack – Few things are more intimidating than walking into a pack of women and having to deal with the group spokeswoman. “We’re just here to have a good time with each other, we’re fine.” “Thank you,” as she shoos you along. Or, she wants to grill him with questions when he’s simply trying to introduce himself. Secondary problem of the pack, if he approaches he may get distracted by another person of interest in it. It’s safer to just abort mission.

To avoid looking awkward – Sometime the places men see women they’d like to approach, are not ideal places or times; for example; in the gym, on your commute, in the grocery store, in line at the local coffee spot. In the past men would have approached anyway, but after numerous articles, television/movies scenes, and many complaints on social media about men approaching/ interrupting such activities, men have become apprehensive.

He doesn’t want to be that dude –You’ve smiled, been friendly, even flirted and still nothing. Chances are he doesn’t want to be “that” guy– the one who mistakes attention from a woman as an opportunity.

No man wants to be the guy who tries to ask you out, only to find out you’re just being friendly.

We have a right to be confused about whether or not to approach a woman because everything we do in this day and age is considered thirsty. If he can’t read whether you’re being friendly or genuinely interested, he’ll pass.

His intentions, his circumstances – It all boils down to what he’s looking for and who seems most receptive. If you look like a relationship type of woman, but he’s looking for a hookup, pass. If he doesn’t think he meets your standards or will give him a fair shot, pass. For example, you seem to only like executive types, yet he’s blue collared, pass. Approaching women is about projecting confidence. If he has no good intentions for you or doesn’t meet your standard; you’ve dodged a bullet.

Ladies we constantly hear how today’s women are bold, daring and modern. So don’t only be that when it’s convenient, and then revert to traditional when it’s not in your favor. If you’re not getting the attention you want, shoot your shot. Approach the man you want and get his attention, send him a drink, ask him to dance, take his phone and put your number in it. He’ll bite; you’ve put the ball in his court. None of the reasons above are your fault, but these are ways that you can swing things in your favor.

Written By: Johnny Brownlee II

Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath


  1. Some of us get rejected a lot and we just don’t feel like trying. Like if I was out at a bar with a few friends I haven’t seen in a while I’m not going to chat up some woman I think is attractive. I’d rather hang out with friends because chances are things with her aren’t going anywhere.

    Another reason for some men is that getting a girlfriend, falling in love, and having a successful marriage seems more like fantasy than reality. So some men just give up to pursue other things in life at better themselves and make them happy. This reason also ties into getting rejected a lot, or maybe being burned in the past, or just losing interest in general because it doesn’t seem like things would last.

  2. There’s a very high risk and very low reward. All women seem to hate men these days. You never know what mood they’re going to be in, and chances are they’ll reject you very harshly to feed their ego and have a fun story to tell their girlfriends. And what happens if you actually hit it off? Well, then you have a parasite that tries to change everything about you. You’ll be walking on eggshells, subject to every whim of her hormones, and never be able to please her. It turns out they don’t want to be happy; they crave drama. So really, there’s no point in even approaching in the first place.

    Yeah, I know all women aren’t like that. But there are so many that are, you can’t take a chance. When women start being decent human beings, I’ll start approaching.

  3. I see it all over the news and social media. Women do not want to be approached in public. They just want to be left alone. All they want is to go about their day in peace without being harassed. Not really sure why women have a problem with this. They are getting exactly what they wanted.

    The large majority of women think its harassment or creepy if a random guy tries to start a conversation anywhere in public unless its in a bar or club. Even at a bar or club alot of women are just ‘there to catch up with friends’. This info is from the myriad of articles written by women on how they hate getting attention and getting approached when they go out.

  4. This isn’t a new problem. When I was in high school, I tried to date, but was very unsuccessful. I could tell that I wasn’t someone who interested young women at all. So after about six dates, all of which went terribly bad, I stopped trying. I had a few offers from young women to make a pass at them, but decided they weren’t worth the potential rejection. I saw from what my friends were going through that all I was missing was a lot of drama I didn’t need. I had enough issues of my own to deal with and didn’t need to add anyone else’s problems.

    I ended up not talking with women much. I never saw much value in it outside of work environments and such. Socializing was not something I cared to do. I think in the long run this was for the best.


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