You know married men are off limits. No ifs, ands, buts or let me explains about it. Yet you keep finding yourself staring at the ring on the left hands of the men who constantly approach you. You want a man of your own and that’s the topic of your self talk and evening journal entries. But it’s like you’re a married man magnet and you have no idea why or how to repel them.
Let’s start with the why:
We each give off an unseen signal that draws in those with matching frequencies. There is an emotional, physical or mental disconnect between what you’re telling yourself and what you’re presenting to others – which is why things aren’t lining up for you. For instance, an emotional disconnect could be that you are afraid to commit because of a bad past relationship and are carrying that energetic baggage around with you. Or, you could be mentally saying I want my own man but physically being flirtatious in a way that is sending the wrong message to some of the married men you meet. You are attracting men who can not commit to you because you either aren’t truly ready to commit to someone else, or even worse is that you aren’t committed to yourself!
Some questions to ask yourself would be:
Do I keep my promises to myself?
Am I committed to reaching my goals?
Am I giving myself the kind of love I want and deserve from someone else?
Am I ready to be vulnerable?
Do I think I’m good enough?
Do I want to be in a monogamous relationship?
These are the questions you need to start asking to find out YOUR why.
On to the how:
Changing the men you find on your path may mean rerouting altogether. It’s always more about you than them. Who you attract is merely a reflection of what’s currently going on internally. Realize that you’re sending the wrong signal and begin fine tuning. For instance, instead of wanting a man like your cousin Jessica’s husband, focus on the qualities that you admire in him. Be consciously aware of your thoughts and behaviors when in the presence of men. Avoid behavior that could make you look needy or desperate. No twerking on tables while out with the girls. It’s likely the man who approaches afterwards is only looking for more of the same.
If you are repeatedly running into men who can not give you what you want, it’s because you are not requiring it. Work on improving your overall self image and esteem.
Set personal boundaries, create relationship requirements and ask questions. “Are you married?” should be the first. Getting who you want starts with rejecting who you don’t and ends with doing it consistently.
Written By: Fila Antwine