It’s natural to want to see growth as you get older. The woman you are today probably isn’t the same as the woman you were 365 days ago, and certainly not the same as the woman you were five years ago. What about your relationship? A lot of growing pains have probably happened during the course of your relationship. You have learned more, made strides in your career and maybe even grown your family. As you age, you want different things out of life and what you want depends on who and what you have become. So what happens when one partner outgrows the other?
When you commit your life to someone, the plan is to grow together. This growth is deeper than just a physical aging, but growth on all levels: spiritually, emotionally, expressively and socially. It’s so easy to get into a routine way of dealing with day-to-day responsibilities that growth can become stunted unless forced. If one partner grows and the other doesn’t, it leads to isolation, unhappiness and resentment.
“Baby, we’re good. We’ve got everything we need. What are you so worried about?”
While you may be focused on ensuring a secure future, he may only have sights on the here and now. You may see the benefit of launching a business or working toward a promotion, but both partners have to see the necessity of preparing for the future. If not, one partner will excel, while the other grows impatient and resentful. Encourage your hubs to find something that excites him to strive.
“When did you become high maintenance? You didn’t need all that before.”
Ok, ok, so you got together young and he didn’t have to do much to ‘earn’ you. Now, he has a problem with you wanting him to splurge on a couple bundles or a new bag. The way you look and feel as a grown woman is a representation of him. He needs to know that. Communicate that the way you view yourself requires more attention now than it did eight years and three kids ago. Don’t be unrealistic, but know your worth.
“But, I see you every day at home.”
And…sitting on the couch with the remote or phone glued to his hand is not quality time. Just like you spent time one-on-one in the beginning, you have to continue to do so. It may be a little harder to navigate, but you have grown to realize difference between QT and having sex.
Be careful not to get into the trap of thinking you’ve outgrown him; it’s possible that you were forcing compatibility in the first place. But at this point, you both may want more out of life. Get on the same page with Bae to dig deep and see where you both want to be in five years. Coax him into your world of new interests and refined needs. You are not the same person you were when you met, and it’s only right that you nudge him toward his own evolution.
Written By: Carla DuPont Huger
Follow Carla on Instagram: @writewithcarla