It’s no secret that there’s a complex dynamic when it comes to black men and marriage. Like wanting to be a rapper or a drug dealer, avoidance of marriage is just another negative stereotype that’s associated with our men…or is it? Recent memes have circulated social media suggesting that black men do not propose, but they are great at “playing house,” thus generating heated debates about the validity of this accusation. EGL recently polled men and women on Twitter and Facebook to see if this claim really stands to be a truth or a myth. Fortunately, the results were in favor of the latter.
When asked if black men would rather play house than propose, don’t propose, 41% of respondents believe this is true, while 59% believe it to be false. Yet what was interesting about the results is that all of the respondents who believe this sentiment to be true were female, with only a small percentage of women who believed that the statement was false. These results leave us to question why so many black women believe black men have a fear of proposing. Are women simply jaded from having indulged in numerous long term relationships with black men who have no intention to marry?
The sampled age of women who voted true fell between 23-29. In the men’s defense, being married in your 20’s isn’t ideal for most people, especially men. Could it be that young women aren’t being patient enough, or are confusing young love with a marriage-potential relationship? Certainly, a man’s status in life affects whether or not he’s ready for marriage as well as his maturity level, and for most men these aspects get better with time.
Shana, 26, from Chicago, one of the few women who voted false and is in a long-term relationship, gave some from a woman’s point of view. She believes that black men do propose, but they have the ideology that they have to be financially stable to do so. She also believes that some women rush their men, hoping to force them into doing what the woman desires. Steve, (age not given) from Chicago, agreed stating that, “Women have to not force marriage on us, it makes it seem like they want a title and don’t understand the gravity of marriage…I had to wait until I was mentally prepared before making a huge commitment.”
So maybe it’s those women that are putting marital expectations on grown boys, not men, who hold the belief that black men don’t marry. To erase this stereotype, women should consider the type of men that they’re dating before putting all black men in a box. Women should be smart enough to know when a guy is selling a dream to keep them around versus when he’s taking steps towards marriage.
If the signs happened to be missed along the way, be woman enough to take responsibility for being blinded, and commit to keeping your heart and mind open for the man who is willing to love you the right way.
Written By: Kahina Ray
Follow Kahina on Instagram: @_k.ray