Marriage is no walk in the park. There are days when you look at your spouse and wonder why you committed your life to them in the first place. Half of marriages end in divorce citing lack of communication and finances as two of the major catalysts. There are pros and cons of both separating or toughing the rough patches out under the same roof. Here are a few things to consider when contemplating you and your hubs receiving mail in different places.
Heard It Through the Grapevine
How people perceive what happens in your marriage should not be your first concern, but sadly it often is. Who cares what people are saying about you when they have skeletons, too? None of those people are in the marriage with you. There will always be unsolicited advice, but the only people who are affected by the separation are you, your hubs and your children. Act accordingly.
Is Separation Really Going to Help?
Is one of you leaving as a preamble to divorce? Or are you giving each other space to reevaluate your marriage. People change with age and circumstance, so you can’t expect each other to be the same people you married. Having children, losing jobs, and trust betrayals can really wreck a union. Sitting down to talk about your issues in open and honest conversations could do much more good than leaving.
Be Kind, Don’t Rewind
They only time you should bring up past grievances is if you honestly believe making that point will help you move forward. Don’t keep drudging up old dirt. Hitting below the belt is painful and accomplishes little when you are discussing being separated.
Got 99 Problems
Why are you separating at all? Is it really necessary to be removed from one another when you haven’t tried counseling, prayer and/or solid communication? Talking through what is going wrong will help you both find the root of the issues and begin to sort them out.
2 Ears, 1 Mouth
You have views about separating, and so does he. Listen to each other, not just with your ears, but with your hearts.
Any relationship you have takes effort. Just like you work to repair relationships with family, friends, neighbors and co-workers, marriage takes just as much, and often times more effort. You and your hubs can get past the hurt and move forward if you put each other first.
Written by Carla DuPont Huger