Many women daydream about having a picket white fence, two car garage, and perfect family. However, bumping and grinding with your boo before the big day aka wedding, could of course result in a premarital pregnancy. When you’re in love, it is hard to grasp the idea that your relationship may not last as long as you might like. You have high hopes of building a life together and begin making plans on how to reach your relationship goals.
That’s until one day your partner decides a commitment is not what interests him at the moment. Maybe he has decided to “sow his wild oats” and explore other options, only for you to find out three months later you’re expecting a bundle of joy. Your ideal family has been reduced from three to two.
How do you raise healthy, happy children whose parents reside in separate households? You work together for the greater good of the child by co–parenting. There are a lot of uphill battles and struggles in the beginning stages of co–parenting, but utilizing these tips that a judge gave Chris Brown and Nia Guzman will point you in the right direction.
- Let Go of the Past – It’s no longer about you or him. “Let bygones be bygones,” meaning place past relationship mishaps behind you and move forward. Focus on your child’s best interest. Children don’t ask to be born into dysfunctional situations, so don’t add fuel to the fire. Forgive and let go.
- Communication – When it comes to negotiating drop off and pick up times for your child, communication is key. Be specific with your arrangements. Stay as close as possible to the set visitation schedule and never assume – you want a smooth transition from one household to another without causing any type of distress to your kids.
- Don’t Interrupt – Let your child enjoy quality time with his or her father without unnecessary interruptions. Stop blowing up your child’s cell phone asking, “Where is he taking you? Who’s going with you? What did you eat?” Remember, if anything happens to your baby cub, he will have to answer to momma bear and that is one thing every dad is terrified of.
- The More the Merrier – It takes a village to raise a child, so don’t isolate your child from their paternal grandmother, grandfather or other family members. You want your children to know that they are loved and have a support system. This also works in your best interest, giving you a much needed break every once in a while.
- No Bashing Allowed – Yes, co-parenting can be frustrating at times, but speaking negative about your children’s father can cause detrimental effects. You never want to put your child in the center of a custody dispute or make him or her choose sides. Making a choice like that is very traumatic for children when they love both of their parents unconditionally. If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all, especially in the presence of your kids.
For some, co-parenting may seem impossible, but if you apply these guidelines to your custody situation, it’s possible to get through it and raise well-adjusted children.
Written By: K. Kares
Follow K. Kares on Instagram @iamkimfields