Testimony Tuesday: Back Then They Didn’t Want Me

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This is a weekly staple affording our readers the opportunity to share their personal testimony regarding abuse, violence, disease,  family, happiness,  faith, jail time, obesity, and/or mistakes made in your youth,  just to name a few. Let your testimony be a blessing to someone else attempting to overcome a particular avenue in life. 

“I used to hear love is just a four letter word, but it’s so much more than that. My love is rare, bold, beautiful, mysterious and above all intangible. It’s also filled with disappointment but made stronger because it didn’t die. My love is cautious but naïve. My love is forgiving, patient, and it doesn’t boast nor envy. My love is forever. My love never fails. 

My name is Patience Johnson and I am currently a model, paralegal student, and CEO/Founder of Supply & Demand Modeling Agency. My life may be filled with the glitz and glam but it wasn’t easy getting to where I am today. When I was 12 years old I had little to no self- esteem. I lost my virginity to a 16 year old boy that I, to this day, have never seen again. He wasn’t the first man to tell me I was pretty, but he was the first one I believed. That is where my experimenting and the curiosity took control. Though only 12 years old, in my mind I was a new “woman” and it was time for life to begin.

I didn’t have sex again for 2 years, mainly due to the physical and emotional pain. On the outside I was young, pretty, and popular but on the inside I felt used, vulnerable, and abandoned. When I started dating my boyfriend in the summer of 8th grade, we immediately fell in love. He was hot, I was hot, and together we were on fire! To our friends and family, we were the perfect couple. We would make love almost every day, or at least I thought It was love. This man had me floating on cloud nine. The night before my freshmen year of high school started, he called me saying” Baby we are about to start high school tomorrow, I think we should take a break and test the waters.” I will never forget how crushed I was!!! I cried for almost a week straight. I couldn’t believe that without warning our time was ending. First heartbreak, first love, first wake up call. I did what any teenage girl with a broken heart would do, I replaced him…and replaced him…and replaced him….and replaced him…until I finally had him out of my head completely.

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In my hometown, the large number of grown men interested in teenager girls made it a lot easier for me to get into trouble. At the age of 15 sex was my release. I was wiling out and didn’t care who knew. I lived young, wild, and free all the way until my sophomore year of high school. After years of making wrong decisions and befriending all the wrong people, a bad reputation for myself was the ultimate outcome. My junior year had to be different. It was time for me to change and I couldn’t do it by myself. After being sexually harassed, used, multiple suicide attempts, depression, and using my body to compensate for the love I’ve always wanted …my life was forever changed when I found the ultimate love. God.

He is a constant reminder that my body is not my own. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God. I still can’t believe I’m where I am today. I am the definition of a conqueror. I got tired of letting my circumstances define me and mistreating my temple. I looked myself in the mirror and saw something that I had never seen before, beauty. I loved what was staring back at me. At that moment I realized how could I have loved, when I’ve never loved myself?  I graduated high school June 11, 2010 and was finally free to start a new chapter in my life. I went straight to Alabama A&M University with new surroundings and a new outlook on life.

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I started modeling in college and was an instant success. I let my hard work and ambition speak for itself. Therefore, when I moved back to my hometown I started working with other young women needing to appreciate their worth. I started S&D in June of 2012 after being told I was too big or not big enough to model. Supply and Demand is now one of the most unique modeling agencies in the Midwest. We are changing the stereotypical face of models in today’s society. Supply and Demand is a personality or experience based modeling organization. Through careful selection and vigorous training, models are featured in artistic projects that are presented to designers, agencies, magazines, and companies throughout the nation. Our goal is to help amateur models build professional portfolios. We are blessed to be working with some of the most influential photographers, videographers, musicians, producers, management, and designers!

This is a message of encouragement to all the young women who use their bodies to compensate for love, compassion, or even trust. Love yourself first, God is the ultimate love. As long as you know that you can do exceedingly great things. . Be blessed!”

Written By: Patience Johnson

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