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The world of BDSM has been on a lot of people’s radars since E.L. James released the erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” in 2011. The lead male character Christian Grey had an addiction to dominance and being in control that struck a nerve within societal norms. But we know some of you are still thinking, “What the hell is BDSM?”

BDSM represents:

Bondage

Discipline/Dominance

Submission/Sadism

Masochism

It is a way of assuming the roles of both the dominant and submissive lover. Bondage focuses heavily on not having any physical freedom while participating in sexual acts, requiring props such as handcuffs, chains, and rope.

Discipline and dominance go hand-in-hand with each other due to one requiring total control, and the other requiring nothing but complete control over their lack of control at that given moment. When focusing on submission and sadism, you’re submitting to the dominant’s needs and wants without question, while the dominant derives pleasure from his submissive by inflicting pain and suffering.

Masochism is a bit similar to sadism; however, it necessitates deriving sexual gratification from one’s own pain or suffering. So to answer all of the questions roaming in your head, BDSM is the real type of freaky.

Engaging in BDSM is much deeper than putting handcuffs on your partner and making them beg. It becomes much more deeper than “getting a little kinky.” Because the different aspects of BDSM run deep, sometimes a written agreement is safe prior to the actual engagement–which further reveals that level of trust. You can incorporate paperwork and safe words to establish an environment of comfortability.

Comfortability is always important in the case of BDSM in view of the fact that it’s rooted in both pleasure and pain.

Pleasure– ensuring the other person’s needs are fulfilled.

Pain– various interests and boundaries are reached.

All BDSM encounters are exceedingly different. While some experiences are more pleasuring, others can be more aggressive with much pain inflicted. Some people prefer the pain because the pain actually brings them pleasure. It is important to communicate with your partner beforehand so that every aspect of it is understood.

We conducted a poll on Twitter asking if anyone has ever participated in BDSM during their sexual escapades. Check out the results:

Results show that 74% of voters either had or would not mind engaging in BDSM, while 26% voted against it. Two of our female participants shared their experiences:

“I was put on a dog leash, but not a real dog leash, a sex one … Then he wrapped the damn leash around his hand tighter and pulled back. In my mind, I’m like ‘Okay, he’s being a little too extra for me,’ but I still went along with it. My hands were pulled back as he penetrated from behind. I had my glasses off so sh*t was blurry. It was interesting, but I don’t really like being submissive so I wasn’t hype about it. I was surprised he didn’t try to make me bark or something.” -Anonymous

“I’ve never experienced it but ever since ’50 Shades of Grey,’ I’ve been a little intrigued by it. I feel as a woman, I don’t know how to be submissive so why not practice in the bedroom? Not gonna lie though, I follow at least three latex suit [social media pages] because that’s my kinky little fantasy. I also haven’t tried the whole BDSM thing because certain things are only meant to be done with someone you really love and trust … I’m open to just about anything, just no candle wax and no walking like a dog; but butt plugs, whips, feathers and latex, I’m here for it.”Anonymous

Before any participation and exploration of the BDSM world, both parties involved should always know each other’s interests, hard limits, etc. Hard limits refers to something a person is totally against. BDSM is all about knowing what you want and don’t want and because it requires a lot more physical than the normal act of sex. Aftercare is also important to ensure each partner is okay–both physically and emotionally– following the interaction. Both the dominant and submissive are capable of needing aftercare, so don’t be fooled into thinking only the submissive needs it.

Written By: Daion Stanford

Follow Daion on Instagram: @LadyBossDai

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