Nothing has changed the way we communicate with each other quite like text messaging. The fact that texting has it’s own language full of abbreviation instead of actual words that have infiltrated and inundated the lexicon shows how lackadaisical we’ve become about communication. For example, “What are you doing” used to be a simple question with a simple answer. The “are” has now been dropped, and it’s often phrased as, “What u doin,” or even lazier, “WYD?”
In the dating world, “WYD” is such an overused phrase. If he’s a flaky dude or he says that to you late at night, this can easily sound like the beginning of a booty call. And since a lot of men don’t really know how to start a conversation, it can be the beginning of every text conversation. But have you ever received a “WYD” and after you respond, he either doesn’t say anything else or he moves on to another topic? For men who don’t know how to speak up, “WYD” is a vague yet safe opening statement. This situation drives many women up the wall, so let me tell you what’s really going on.
He’s trying to find out if you have plans! The complete sentence should be along the lines of, “If you’re not doing anything this weekend, I would like to spend some time with you.” Most men fail at this because when they ask if you have plans, the minute you answer, they abandon their attempt to get your time. In his mind, you already have plans and don’t have time for him, so he’ll have to try some other time.
What he often does not know, realize or even think is possible is that your plans could be flexible or that you might be accommodating. Men often don’t want to infringe upon your plans or don’t know how to feel if you cancel plans for them.
We know you’re not a mind reader, but if you want to help this process along, simply throw him a bone and put the ball in his court.
Simply telling him what you have planned and asking, “Why, what’s up?” can make a world of a difference.
Another simple thing you can do is make him an offer to join your plans. If he’s really interested and you let him know that he can join you, he just may shock you and opt in. You really want to keep your eyes on a man who is willing to jump into the fire and is anxious to hang out with you around your family and friends. That’s a man who is transparent and truly interested to spend time with you. If he doesn’t jump at that opportunity or you don’t make the offer, give him an alternative to let him know your plans are flexible or that you can meet with him sometime in the future.
When building relationships, communication is teamwork. It’s not effective communication until a message is sent, received and understood. He’s saying something; if you don’t get it, ask questions.
It’s his job to say what he means, but it’s your job to let him know what options are available to him.
Help each other out because in his mind, he’s doing the right thing by not being too forward or pushy. If you let him see that he can still make a request to spend time with you even when you have plans, he’ll be more likely to say exactly what he means up front in the future.
By: Johnny Brownlee II
Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath