It’s amazing that men and women discover things about relationships at drastically different times in their lives. Women are frustrated about men who date multiple women despite their claims of wanting to settle down. For women, it sounds hypocritical. For men, it makes perfect sense. The problem is in the process and definition of the word “date.” For men dating is a process, but for women it concludes a process. Women feel dating means exclusive and that’s not what all men think at all.
Contrary to popular belief, men don’t want to date multiple women just so they can be considered Casanovas. It’s not about being greedy or about sex. It’s not to waste time (men have clocks, too). Think of it as such:
Why fish with a pole when you can fish with a net?
Men are encouraged by mothers, grandmothers and older/married men to date multiple women. We are told not to rush, to take our time, and to figure out what we truly desire. At every wedding, “How’d you know she was the one,” is commonly asked. The answer in his mind probably goes something like, “It came down to two girls, and one accepted or saw something in me that others didn’t.” Men are encouraged to “comparison-shop.” It’s not a competition; we don’t want you to do or put up with anything you normally wouldn’t. The cream will rise to the top in due time.
Here’s how it works: We cast a net, keep the potentials and all other fish from the sea go right back. And women can do the same with men. The hope is we choose each other and it’s not forced, because we’ve seen what’s out there. The goal is to have no regrets or “what if” thoughts later because for some reason there are always two strong possibilities.
Men want to choose the right woman, the first time.
We don’t want break-ups, constant trying, divorce or separations. As you know, after a breakup, that other option is usually either no longer single or it’s weird because you haven’t spoken in months. Meanwhile, you lose your social life and move too fast with a person that it may or may not work with. For men, it’s a huge gamble until you prove to be worth the risk. Therefore, it’s an irrational expectation that you should be the only person in our lives while we’re courting each other. We also don’t expect to be the only person in yours until we’ve decided to be exclusive.
It’s a very calculated approach, and very different from women’s. The time it takes to whittle down the field is usually too long for women. Genuinely liking and seeing potential in more than one woman is hard. He wants to hurt no one; he just wants to get it right. The amount of time you’re willing to wait is up to you. Just remember your patience may be a deciding factor.
Written By: Johnny Brownlee II
Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath