We all come to know sexuality differently. Some of us have the fortune of having access to parents that would talk to you all about it. Some people learn through seeing it in front of them somehow unexpectedly. Others may learn through traumatic experience or television or in many cases, church. With this being the case, the way people decide to express themselves sexually hinges upon this primarily and initially.

These beliefs are always subject to change. People can always grow and change their minds but their initial beliefs on sex could be met with a cold reception. Societal standards and religion tend to shape how people view sex and how people should have access to it.

I read an article last month where the young lady who wrote it examined whether or not waiting to have sex with someone was worth it. She highlighted some of the cons, the biggest being that there is great room for disappointment. She’s referring to disappointment in performance in relation to the amount of time you may have invested in getting to know each other. I don’t feel that she reinvented the wheel by thinking that. As a guy, that’s a normal thought of ours when we start talking to someone new. Part of the appeal, part of the chase, no matter how grand or minuscule is wondering what a woman would be like in bed.

When a woman has a sentiment that she wants to wait for a particular amount of time to have sex, it can be because of religious beliefs that they want to adhere to strictly, or a sense of security she would like to have when sleeping with someone.

If a man is in situation where a woman wants to wait until she is married, he needs to know who he is as a man before proceeding. A guy who meets a woman who is heavily into church thinks he may have to walk on egg shells around her– especially if he isn’t as passionate on that front. He may feel that the woman in question is a lot more tame than he might be used to and the thought of her might not be as exciting.

There’s many men who want to have sex, and many churchgoing women who seek affection and companionship. That schism isn’t anything that can be satisfied without sacrifice. If you don’t believe you can give up your desire for sex while you date someone then that isn’t a woman you should pursue. Women in this position of abstinence will have to practice supreme patience.

There is another sect of women who don’t fancy having sex without being in a relationship. It could be a woman who is concerned with not being promiscuous or someone who seeks to build a connection with someone before they take that step. Both are noble reasons, but anything short of not having sex to me promises nothing. It provides some sense of security that puts a woman’s mind at ease. And a woman with her mind at ease is the first thing you need if you ever want to be involved with her.

Waiting to have sex with someone is a great defense in terms of weeding out men who may not be worthy of having you. For men, they honestly want to see what the chemistry is like in the bedroom before taking things further. Sexual chemistry and vibing with one another are two different things. Men know this and we have a curiosity that we want to have satisfied. Many of us just want to end up in scenarios where being pleasured doesn’t feel like pulling teeth.

Naturally, women are more vulnerable than men will ever have to be. Due to that, there’s an innate caution some women operate with. Again, it keeps their mind at ease. I think ultimately, that is the only thing that waiting to have sex truly accomplishes. And this is only contingent on things going smoothly once things do get physical. There’s nothing wrong with waiting but it just isn’t for everybody. This isn’t to say that waiting hasn’t worked for people. I also believe you cannot argue with results. I just don’t think waiting plays with the odds. But broken clocks are right twice a day, so anything can happen.


Written By: Kahlil Haywood

Follow Kahlil on Instagram: @damnitpops


  1. Great read Kahlil. Personally at this point in my life, sex is over rated. I’ve been on both sides, waiting and 1st date drop off. Lol Same results. Relationship happens and ends with cheating. So what’s the point in waiting? Sex is important in a relationship. What if you wait and it sucks? Ijs.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here