One of the most common complaints men have against women on the dating scene is that they play too many games. Yet no one ever really explains what that means in male speak. When men say a woman is playing games it can cover a multitude of sins and infractions, but In their simplest form, games are anything that is confusing, unnecessary or vexing. EGL asked a few men at the gym what comes to mind when they think of a woman playing games; here are some of their thoughts broken down.
“Lack of progress” – Derrick, age 36, DJ –. Things like avoiding phone calls, pretending to be busy, saying one thing then doing another or running as he tries to get close to you are all examples of him feeling like he’s getting nowhere with you. Lack of reciprocation could also be added to that list because it often makes men question if you’re wasting their time. Not knowing where he stands will frustrate a man and drive him away.
“Lying” – Sean, age 27, Nurse – Not saying what you mean, alternative facts, hiding information, or omitting information all count as lies. Clever misdirection or making men feel as if something was their fault or idea. Altering the facts, the order of events, or seriousness of a situation is also lying.
“Using sex as a tool” – Patrick, age 40, Postal clerk – Using sex as a control mechanism, as a weapon, or a system of rewards and punishments of any kind is considered playing games. Getting mad and withholding sex, or promising sex in exchange for particular outcomes. We should also include using sex to patronize. Phrases like, “If it weren’t for you,” and “I don’t do this for anybody,” are unnecessary. If there is something you don’t want to do…just don’t.
“Guilt trip” – Alex, 34, Truck Driver – Using remorse or regret to draw out the situation or make one feel worse is another method of playing games. Any unnecessary emotion, especially crying, goes in this category. No one is saying women shouldn’t cry or be emotional, but not for everything and not just to get your way. Passing the buck, rubbing it in, and piling it on to a disagreement all come to mind here. Phrases like, “See what you made me do?” or “I’m sorry, but it’s your fault because…” are all attached here. Finding a way to make it his fault or make him feel even worse will drive a wedge between you two and become exhausting emotionally.
“Payback” – Malcolm, 52, Claims Adjuster – Revenge, retaliation and pettiness define this section. Adversarial relationships, lack of communication all exist in this space. If you’re pushing buttons to get emotional triggers, not fighting fair in arguments, doing things out of spite, and/or using phrases like “you hurt me so I’ll hurt you”; these are not only immature but also emotional and can be abusive. These are unhealthy relationships and are stressful.
There is no one definition that tells the story of what a man means by you’re playing games. For a good man, it could be him being tired of fighting through your imaginary list and barriers as to why you can’t date or take the next step. For a bad man, you playing games could be you having the audacity to have standards and not allow me to waste your time. The best way to avoid games is to just be direct, honest, and transparent about what you want, don’t want and need. Don’t play games, test or give hints, just say it plain, keep it simple; there is no need to talk in code or exhibit any type of psychological theatrics.
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