When the term Alpha male is thrown around, women often nod their heads, high five and agree that it’s the type of man they desire. A round of bashing “softer” men as not manly enough and the problem with today’s men usually follows. However, when women are given definitions and adjectives that describe both Alpha males and Beta males and asked to choose the one they would most desire in a mate; well, they shockingly and overwhelmingly chose Beta males and their characteristics.
Results found by an unscientific, random social media poll, I posted a description and adjectives of Alpha males and Beta males and asked women which they’d prefer? 103 women responded and by an astounding margin of 85 (82.5%) to 15 (14.6%) women chose Beta males in convincing fashion; 3(2.9%) women dismissed both types.
Of the women that chose to give their ages, the youngest woman in our study was 18, the oldest 47. The average age was 29. The women comprised a variety of relationship statuses: single, engaged, dating, married and widowed. The women were of various education levels, across various professions, some with children and others without. They were allowed to answer on their own accord. To be fair the ladies were asked to pick on the margins, with no option in between to see which way they would lean more. The women were from different parts of the country and the Caribbean.
Women that stated that they preferred a man that was domineering, authoritative, aggressive; generally described themselves as having a slick mouth, having an attitude, being stubborn or being a handful.
As Reneisha stated, “A man can be all those things and still be respectful of his woman. I have a slick mouth, so sometimes I need someone to tell me to shut the hell up. Yes, I’m independent and can do everything by myself, but at the end of the day, if he has his s**t together and has a clear direction in life, I’m ready to follow my king.”
Chequeta expressed of Alpha males, “Nothing like a respectful, take charge kind of man.”
Shayla emphatically stated, “I don’t want someone I can walk over or just let me say whatever. I want someone I can talk things through with and can communicate with me without having to pull teeth.”
These women seem to desire/need a man that will keep them in check. Strong, aggressive, and dominant in their own right they seem to look for men with energy more dominant than their own so that they won’t run all over him. Some of the women that preferred Alpha men, spoke of Beta males as being passive or sounding weak.
A few women voiced concerns regarding both types of men. May, stated she would choose neither. “Alpha men sound like abusers or dictators but Betas sounds passive.”
Terry also stated, “Neither. Should be a modified combo of both. He should be strong, patient, quiet in a thoughtful way, but should be communicative and able to express his thoughts, feelings and ideas. He should be authoritative in that he is not afraid of making decisions and taking charge of his life, and aggressive towards reaching his goals. If I was presented with A and B, I’d likely gravitate to B, but if he was too quiet and not assertive with his goals, we would quickly fall apart.”
Women that chose Beta male characteristics, however, spoke of men that respected, listened and seem to be more mature and most were concerned about the potential abuse, arrogance, or disrespect from the men with hyper-masculine Alpha male traits. Coincidentally or maybe not, the majority of our older respondents and women in longer more permanent relationships ( 10-15+ years of marriage), chose Beta males also. But to be fair these were self-identified descriptions, they were not asked about them.
As Victoria defended vigorously, “A strong, quiet and patient man does not equate to weakness. I feel like there’s power in the [Beta Males]…”
And Adrienne backed her up by adding, ”Quiet doesn’t mean weak. It means he knows where his attention needs to be directed. Aggression almost always means he’s insecure about something.”
“There are few things more sexy than a man who can walk into a room and command attention and respect without saying a word. That’s real strength, confidence and maturity in my opinion. In my experience, I’ve found that Alpha personalities are masking insecurities and lack self confidence. I can’t submit to that man.” – Sharlene
A few ladies admitted that they’d be initially drawn to Alpha male qualities more, but what they need for a successful relationship resides in the Beta male. One strong, brave and bold young lady also introduced an overlooked thought. She stated that as a sexual assault survivor, she’d be wary of an aggressive man because she associates aggression with violence.
The confusing thing for most men is that if most women were asked if they prefer an Alpha male or Beta male without giving the character traits, most women would say Alpha. But what we see here is women either using a modified definition or preferring Beta males. It seems that women are in love with the idea of Alpha male but they want to date and settle with Beta males. Truth be told most men fall somewhere in the middle between the two definitions; we can be strong, quiet, patient, aggressive and assertive when needed. Just because he’s a Beta male doesn’t mean he’s any less of a provider, protector or ambitious. I grew up in a house with a strong Beta male. My grandfather is silent and patient; but when he opens his mouth, he doesn’t waste words, he can silence a hurricane and he is no one’s pushover. When he puts his foot down or is fed up, his word is law. So ladies, maybe you’re attracted to Alpha males but you should date Beta males because they seem to be versatile and more in line with what you desire in this day and age. Think less James from Good Times and more Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince or Frank from Moesha, those men were strong but we all know that Aunt Viv (especially the first one) and Dee ran the show.
Written By: Johnny Brownlee II
Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath