Man and woman turning to smile at each other in restaurant

There are various reasons why men choose not to approach women sometimes and what makes a woman intimidating. I have had numerous women read these pieces and ask, “So what’s a girl to do?” The answer: shoot your shot!

Ladies, you can approach and ask men out, and take control of your dating possibilities and prospects just as you’ve done for every other part of your life. With it being a new year and Valentine’s Day right around the corner, why wait until a man ask you when you can be proactive instead of reactive, like a boss?

I can already hear someone saying, “HELL NO! It’s not my job to chase the man.” Well first of all it’s not chasing, you’re just making him aware. Once he knows he still has to do the work of pursuing  and wooing you.

By approaching him and taking the first step, you’re giving him the green light.

It’s no different than introducing one of your girls to a dude, and then it being up to him to finish the job.

I know you like confident men, but men’s overabundance of confidence has gotten us into a lot of trouble in the past. Now that men are thinking twice and erring on the side of caution, you may not want to push back on that and interrupt the progress. Social media has allowed men to see women they love and respect talk about being harassed or assaulted, and no man wants to be that dude. We’ve been forced to examine the way that we approach women, so if we are apprehensive and afraid of being #metoo’ed, let it be. When you make the first move, it lets us know that we have permission and consent.

Secondly, you making the first move is you acting on your filter process. It’s an actionable process: you’ve scanned and assessed the room, and now you’re approaching the yes to make them aware that they have a chance.

It doesn’t matter if a man chooses you if you don’t choose him back, so the final decision is yours anyway.

It’s you choosing the one you want, because the one you want may not notice you, or might miss your cues. If you start approaching a few beneficial things happen; you double your chances of meeting the right person you’re looking for them and they are looking for you, also the wrong guys will more likely get eliminated. When guys see you approach, the ones who have no business approaching you know that they have been automatically eliminated and will leave you alone.

If you’re wondering how you should shoot your shot, I’ll give you few things to consider.

If you’re worried about whether or not men will like you approaching them, the answer is yes for most men. Most men have a fascinating and fond story about a woman approaching them, buying them a drink in the club, or stepping to them with a different type of energy.

Most guys like it when you shoot your shot because it’s unexpected, it’s super rare, it’s flattering, and it leaves no room for confusion.

If you’re going to shoot your shot, do it in the manner that you wished men would approach you: be yourself and don’t put anything extra or fake on it. You are in control and it’s his shot to lose just as if he would have approached you. He can still say the wrong thing and mess the whole thing up. When you do approach, be direct. Many women who approach guys but still get ignored are often confusing guys; we often don’t know if you’re just being friendly, being conversational, or flirting.

So if you’re going to shoot your shot at some point in the conversation, be specific. Hell, be blatant about what the intention and hope is. Ask if he’s alone or waiting for anyone when you approach to stand by or sit by him. If the conversation is going well, ask if he’s single or married. Ask for his phone number, ask him on a date, or suggest you two go out or talk some more sometime. If you’re going to give him a business card, write your private number on it and circle it. Quick tip for the ladies who don’t like giving out your personal number: sign up for a Google number and give that out instead.

Lastly, use your body language and other things that you think show that you’re interested( flipping your hair, leaning in, etc.); you’re probably correct about these things. But one particular thing that men know and notice is touch. I’m not talking anything inappropriate, raunchy or suggestive; it’s classy, in fact most women probably do it without even realizing it. However, a select few men do recognize that if a woman doesn’t initiate physical contact, she probably doesn’t like him. What I’m talking about is touching his shoulder, playing with or complimenting his tie or suit lapel, laughing and touching his hand, etc. It’s innocent but it’s noticeable and it gives the green light.

Do what’s safe and what you feel comfortable doing, but shooting your shot is a possibility and the pay off can be great. Control your own destiny and see what happens! The worst that can happen is he says no, and at the very least you’ll get an appreciation and understanding of what men go through all the time.

Written By: Johnny Brownlee II  

Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath

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