*Get on my level …*
It’s amazing how skewed our views are on the importance of money, depending on whether you’re dealing with someone who has more or less of it than we do. In the generation of equality, it’s funny (and confusing) that women seem to have mixed emotions about how a man’s finances are tied to his manhood and worthiness. There are many women who will boastfully talk that “upgrade you” talk, but aren’t eager to put their money where their mouth is. Women love to talk equality but aren’t eager to pay (and some believe they should never have to) for anything. Regardless of how much she makes, she still wants a provider. Even in this enlightened and progressive-thinking age, most women still believe in gender roles when it comes to money– even if they don’t believe in gender roles for anything else. Let’s call them “Convenient Progressives.” For many men, it seems as if women view equality as being able to jump back and forth without being questioned, and conveniently choosing which ever benefits most at the time.
This leads men to question, why is it always assumed that because a man makes less than you that he needs taking care of or is lazy? It comes off selfish as if you walk into the relationship as “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is ours.” You don’t mind being helped but don’t want to help. Well, let’s flip the script for a minute. Ladies, can you imagine the rebuking men would get if they suggested that they would only date women making a certain amount of money? Can you imagine a man saying he wants a traditional woman, that he wants her to be a housewife, oh, and that her family should pay for the wedding? I can already hear the scowling and “Cook and clean for yourself, I’m not a maid,” comments.
Basically, it’s the same issue. We don’t want to be objectified and defined by money either; especially when we hear women quite often claim that it’s not all about money. I’m not suggesting you date men who don’t want to contribute or men who can’t take care of themselves. But it’s OK if you date a man who makes less money than you, has less earning potential and doesn’t have the same degrees.
When a man is not in your socio-economic lane, the chorus of people singing, “You can do better!” will come in loud, clear, fast and furious.
Remember it’s your relationship and it’s your happiness. You don’t have to play “keeping up with the Joneses” in your relationship. Look at other things he may bring to the table in lieu of money. Maybe he knows how to budget, how to invest or live without debt, and can bring balance to your life.
Dating a man with less money doesn’t automatically equate to compromising, settling, or you can do better. How does he treat you? Even if you’re used to a certain standard and he can’t meet it, how does he make you feel with what he can do? If you’re a limo service, VIP, and bottle service type of lady and he can’t afford it because he’s on a budget, there’s nothing wrong with your paying for it if it means that much to you. Just remember most love languages have nothing to do with money. It’s all about managing expectation and reality.
Having a minimum money standard almost seems as if you’re looking down on people. Are you willing to accept someone for who they are or do they have to be a carbon copy to your view of success? If you have it all, does he have to have it all too? I’m not saying he gets to come to the table with nothing. But examine why it’s OK if they have more and you have less but not the other way around. Be careful of the conditions that you put on unconditional love.
Written By: Johnny Brownlee II
Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath