You yell, he yells, then you turn around and yell a little louder and he does the same. What are you two even arguing about? By this point you don’t know because the fight has turned into a screaming match. You fight, it’s inevitable. You can’t avoid it, and you shouldn’t want to. When being in a committed relationship you are bound to bump heads, disagree, or just simply piss each other off, and that’s ok. In fact, it’s healthy. You will push each others buttons and test one another’s boundaries, but doing this will ultimately bring you two closer together, if done correctly.
When arguing with your mate, first, you can’t be afraid of the fight. If there is something that needs to be addressed, address it, have it out. Your man’s knee-jerk reaction, at first, may be off putting. But, once the two of you are able to have the conversation, he will then appreciate that you came to him and discussed what was wrong instead of lashing out passively or walking around each other’s space with a chip on your shoulder.
Make your argument productive. Lay out exactly what is wrong and what your idea of the solution is. You will start to lose ground during the fight when you make the root of the issue your man’s problem. The issue lays on both of your shoulders and as a couple you two have to work together to solve it, regardless of who is at fault. So pointing fingers and making blanket statements will do nothing but push him away, when now is the time when you need to come together.
Find common ground and check in with him during the fight. How does he feel about what you’re saying? Is it resonating? Let him know that you care more about his response and less about having a fight for the sake of having a fight.
Remember, the point of having the argument is to find a resolve. When you lose sight of that, you lose the fight.
Written By: Brent Thomas Whiteside