No other words let a man know a woman means business than the phrase, “We need to talk.” People typically use conversations to fix problems rather than avoid them. And for too many men, getting to know you is about you being comfortable being around him, and not necessarily learning the details of who you are. Wanna find out where he really stands? Have these conversations with him and you’ll know if he’s worth your time.
Real Relationship Goals – What kind of relationship are you looking for? Are you looking for just someone to hang with and have fun? Do you want something serious and moving toward marriage? These are the bullet-dodging questions. Let men know these things early. It sets a tone for what’s expected, needed and wanted. He’ll know automatically whether he’s up to the task or whether he should keep it moving. This will remove any chance of confusion as long as the conduct matches the conversation.
Small Conversations That Speak Volumes – What are your plans for the future? What do you want your path in life to be? What are your long-term goals? Are you religious? Do you want kids? What’s your passion? What are your views on sex? These types of questions reveal the important details you need to know. You want to know if he has ambition, goals and a plan. If he has these things, he’ll open up like a book about it. If he doesn’t, it’s a topic he’ll fake or want to avoid because it’s “boring.”
You want to know if he is religious, if the two of you believe differently or one of you not at all. It can be a point of contention. Find out if you differ on family size, adopting or if he even wants to have kids. What if you’re celibate or waiting until marriage? Trust me, he wants to know that. Now can he respect that? Can he wait?
These can be huge deal-breakers and it’s not something you want to find out way down the line.
Once you get to a point of comfort and trust, you can share and open up about much deeper issues. These are sobering and seemingly mood-killing conversations that are essential for determining whether a person is even worth dating. They are topics that if a man is just trying to spit game, he’s not going to want to discuss. It’s too serious for him. When a man is serious about you, these are conversations he will willingly have even if he doesn’t want to. Listen carefully to his responses and you’ll know if you are compatible. It might not be exciting conversation but nothing kills the mood like broken expectations, disappointment and wasted time.
Written By: Johnny Brownlee II
Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath