We often hear about women Googling and doing background checks on men they potentially want to date or go on a date with. Women understandably usually do it for safety purposes. That practice is not lost on men. Quiet as kept, ladies, men also do background checks. Now the way and scope of our investigation is drastically different than the way you go about it. Maybe chalk that up to male privilege or men being way more shallow.
Most men wouldn’t publicly admit to doing a full on Google search or going as far as doing an official records search. I know women who have done full legal and official records searches on men before going on a date with them. For most men, if they have to do all of that they’ll just not date you. Most men won’t go full detective mode to dig up your dirt. They’ll try to find out about you using time-tested means.
Social Media – The purpose of men doing a background check is to see how you’ve progressed or regressed throughout the years. Most men pay more attention to your pictures than your worded post unless that post has a lot of likes or comments. Men are generally not as detailed as women, we’re usually not checking to see who consistently comments or likes your post. We more so pay attention to where you go, how often you go and who you went with. We then pay attention to how you took pictures and who you took them with. We look for dating and relationship patterns and personality traits. It can raise red flags if we see a bunch of man-hating or dramatic posts, a bunch of twerk videos, constant relationship flux, etc.
Most men will check your Facebook and Instagram pages. If you were to give them a business card, they’d definitely check your website and maybe your Linkedin profile.
Word of Mouth – The main and most accepted form for finding out about women we’re interested in is still word of mouth and conversation. We gather opinions, advice, and make “What do you know about _____” inquiries at barbershops, gyms, basketball courts, around water coolers– hell, at church. Ladies, men discuss and gossip more than they would ever like to admit and more than you’d ever believe; so much so that it often happens by accident without anyone asking. When men want to find out valuable intel about a woman, I can assure you someone will be willing to fill them in, and that person will probably be another man. Reputation in the streets still means something to men. A simple story about how “she’s crazy” followed by some of your exploits can wreck a man’s opinion of you. Another piece of intel men listen for is who you used to date. Men usually want to know what type of men you are into and your exes, but one of the most important pieces we want to know is if you smashed any of our homies or anyone that we have to be around frequently.
Men are not that much different than women about trying to find out who we might be getting to know. Essentially, our sources and methods are different, but bottom line, men definitely research and get into your background. Some men will try to act like doing a background check is feminine or beneath them, but we all pretty much do it in one form or another. Be careful what you post because you never know who will see it. Even if your profile is private or you erase a post, no matter how quick you are with the erase button, someone is quicker with the screenshot. Off of social media, there isn’t much that’s in your control. But I’ll say this, people will paint your name all over town regardless of what you do. Just make sure you are not providing the paint.
Written By: Johnny Brownlee II
Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath