Portrait of young couple lying on bed

There’s a popular saying about relationships that you teach people how to treat you based on what you accept. But when it comes to sexual gratification, many women tend to voice their complaints to everyone except the man they are sleeping with. It’s almost as if women just expect men to inherently know what works for them. As I’ve said before ladies, your silence hurts us, but it also does a huge disservice to you. In this glorious time of empowerment, liberation, and independence, when you’re speaking up about all that you’ve been deprived of, why should your sexual gratification be any less of an issue? For all of the things that men accuse or think you want to control, you don’t want to control your sexual delight?

If you are unwilling to teach him, you are failing to realize that making sure you get what you need to be satisfied is partly your responsibility.

Putting your satisfaction in someone else’s hands is giving away too much power.

Most women don’t say anything because they don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings or damage his ego. DAMN that! Ain’t nobody got time for that; especially if it means that you should just lay there fake it, be unsatisfied and bored. Drop clues, instructions, show him the difference. As with everything how you give the criticism matters, it’s not what you say; it’s how you say it. Tell him, “I really like it when you do this….” And no man turns down the option to listen when you start a conversation with, “You know what really turns me on?”

He’s not a mind reader and there’s no way for him just know or be good at sex. When it comes to sex, honestly most men are sort of routine, we tend to do what we think works, but we think in general– not necessarily in specifics. So if you don’t tell us what’s working and what’s not, we assume all is well, we don’t deviate from the program and you can look forward to the same piss-poor performance again.  But if you tell us or better yet show us what to do, you have a great opportunity to reset and reprogram our routine and diversify the bedroom options.

Most men learn from experience, experimentation, direction and porn (which can be misleading as hell).

Some women say that when they are not satisfied, they either give him a few chances to get it right or just move on to the next rather than confront the problem. But how often do you meet a man worthy of your time that you want to sleep with? If he’s not satisfying you and you are unwilling to teach him how to, you’re making an unnecessary sacrifice by throwing the whole man away. You’re assuming he won’t respond positively, that he only cares about his own satisfaction and that he doesn’t care about his reputation. Well, ladies, mature men who aren’t selfish want to give as good as they get, are willing to learn something new, and want their sexual reputation to be impeccable. Yes, we have an ego and our ability give pleasure is attached to it. So if you tell us it’s not working, it’ll be bruised. But if you show and we are able to bring you satisfaction, we feel redeemed and that’s a confidence boost. We never want to be the dude you talk negatively to your girlfriends about.

Sex is suppose to be a mutual exchange. Being willing to teach us how to please you benefits YOU; we don’t get better without inspiration, coaching, criticism or challenges (unchecked egos). Men who aren’t selfish and care about your orgasm are always willing to do something freakier to put you over the top. Remember a closed mouth doesn’t get fed, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, or whatever other clichés you’d like to choose; you get the point. Don’t let your own ego and assumptions keep you from getting the sexual satisfaction that you want and deserve. If you have to teach him how to do it, it’s way better than not getting it at all.

Written By: Johnny Brownlee II  

Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath


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