I don’t know if it’s because I’m a certain age, because I date a lot more, go out a lot more or if it’s a sign of the times, but women are in a rush to get married. Men used to expect this from older women, but in recent years it’s seemed like the race to get to the alter has been on. We have a joke in my barbershop that if you’re dating a woman between 23-31 years old, you got about six months to propose. We’re not sure where this shift of impatience came from, with women in their 20’s talking and acting like women in their 40’s.
All jokes aside, we can probably blame social media for this shift in the desire for being young, married and successful; we can probably thank #relationshipgoals, phrases like “You can have it all,” and the celebrations of black love. But many singles are beginning to treat dating like a track meet– like it’s a sprint and not a marathon– not just putting dating on a clock but dating against the clock. That sense of haste is not only off-putting to a lot of men but it can set you up for a lot of mistakes. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and working towards them but they come with divine timing, steps in a certain order, a process and positioning. Those things can’t be skipped.
Don’t be pressured or pressure anyone into marriage without going through the process. Patience is rewarded, haste most certainly makes waste, and nobody has time to waste time. Your journey is exactly that– YOUR journey. You’re not in a race with celebrities, characters in a book or show or people in your circle. Your timing is different. Enjoy the process, learn the lessons, and get the experiences.
And yes, ladies I know you have the ticking biological clock in your head, but things are a little different now thanks to modern medicine, science, and technology. Don’t be in fear that ticking clock is not a bomb. You have all kind of reproductive options that women in past generations didn’t have: fertilization, you can freeze your eggs, and remember women like Janet and Halle have proven that you can have babies later in life and still have happy healthy babies.
While you have a biological clock, keep in mind that men have a social clock. It’s only so long before we become the old dude in the club. Before we settle down, we need to have lived, be stable, and be sure that she’s the one.
There’s an old saying that a woman’s life is love and a man’s love is life.
Trust me, men catch equal pressure. The combo of society and family asking “When are you getting married,” can have men feeling like a failure. But every step of the way, he has to feel like he’s living, not giving up life. Even men who want to settle down are cautious and probably take longer than women want because we’re afraid. We want to get things right the first time and find forever.
Ladies, let me give you some advice to avoid having your time wasted: stop advertising what you’re looking for in a man. Make that on a need-to-know basis because some guys will make themselves appear to be that description just to get with you. Let them be themselves and you thin the herd from there.
Don’t rush! Let the cream rise to the top.
I know you want it all: marriage, family, career and home, NOW! But too many women don’t want to take the time to get to know each other, and build trust. Be more methodical and tactical in your dating and marriage search. Single is not a death sentence nor a statement of relationship failure. If you’re supposed to marry and have kids, then it will work itself out. Divine timing, God’s plan. Lay down that time clock and pick up the blessings of patience and self-assurance.
Written By: Johnny Brownlee II
Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath