It’s a common debate in dating conversations for women to consider themselves intimidating and offer it as a reason as to why they’re single. The reason for the debate is that women use the word “intimidating” as if men are afraid or too weak to date them. Of course most men won’t say they are intimidated, but will admit to being cautious because certain women require a more cerebral and subdued approach. Coincidently, those are words that are closely related to “intimidating.” So who’s right? Both.

Men know for sure that there are certain women that we cannot approach and be as bold and audacious as we typically are or wish to be. Before approaching these women, men usually have to go through a series of assessments to determine if we wish to pursue you or not. The men that you consider scared are the ones that usually make a conscious decision not pursue or approach. And the ones you consider weak are the ones who have a problem with your attributes, so they just check out.

Regardless of the verbiage, scenario, or perspective. There are three types of women who generally make men think twice before they approach.

1. Older Women – Older women give men pause because they are usually skeptical of younger men, more set in their ways, and stricter. They generally know what they want, what they don’t and are generally more rigid in their position. Older women have usually seen and heard it all, so they are generally no nonsense and super serious.  

The reason men don’t approach/pursue is the gravity of the situation is too much too soon.

2. Moms/Divorcees –Men who let kids give them pause usually don’t have kids, don’t want kids or are concerned about the potential number of kids and/or the other parent. Women with kids usually don’t have a lot of time or flexibility, so they are hyper-intentional about wanting a family.

Women who have been married before are not always in a rush to go back down the aisle. But they’re rigid. Both women’s time is more valued, and they are not going to be in limbo and just play the game or go through the motions while men figure it out.

Men don’t always know exactly what they want or how to voice it when approaching. But these women require it.


3. More Successful Women – Women with more education, more money, and/or better jobs than their male counterparts usually don’t look to date down. Women of this stature usually date laterally or up. Men feed into the stereotype that they can’t bring enough of anything to the table, so they feel these women are out of their league.

Men usually don’t believe you’re down to earth enough to talk to without being judged.


We usually buy into the narrative that women who have more than us don’t need us.

it’s a narrative we’ve heard over and over.

What we often doubt is that we may be wanted. We often incorrectly tie all providing and security to economic status and domination, so many of us check out when one or both of those don’t apply.

I can hear women saying that leadership and providing are more than just financial. But it’s the same argument men often use and it gets shut down by women.  

Men are hesitant to approach because they don’t know how to lead or provide for a woman who has already done it for herself without him feeling submissive or not needed. I honestly don’t know the solution. Maybe intimidation is a challenge men choose not to accept or a risk they are not ready to take. Either way, it’s not your fault these men do not make your cut.


Written By: Johnny Brownlee II

Follow Johnny on Instagram: @slin_k_polymath



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