On the quest to find the right mate and live happily after, we’re often told that when you meet the right person, you’ll know. Well, just as important as knowing when you’ve met the right person, is knowing when you’re with the wrong person. Along the journey, men often put women into specific categories, and the one you want to avoid is the “Not Wife Material” category. This means he doesn’t see the potential for a long-term future with you, and there are a number of red flags that can lead to this decision to exclude you from the wifey candidate list.
We reached out to men at the barbershop, the gym, on social media, and in business professional organizations to find out what these red flags are.
1. She Smashed the Homies – Your past is your past, but finding out that you used to sleep with one his close friends, business partners, family members, or frat brothers is a big deal breaker. Some men said they could overlook this depending on who it was, how long ago it was, and how serious the relationship was. But overwhelmingly, most could not overlook a woman who had been with more than one of his friends.
2. Secrets – If he finds out anything you didn’t tell him or attempted to cover up – deal breaker; especially if it’s something he would have wanted to know or you both already discussed something similar. The coverup is often worse than the “crime” committed.
3. Entitlement – Some ladies have taken the queen/royalty thing a little too far and believe that they should be worshipped, catered to, and given to just because they exist. That’s a no-go.
4. Overly Independent – A woman who meets a man’s attempt to be chivalrous or catering toward her with hostility is a major turnoff.
If a woman constantly touts how much she doesn’t need a man, what’s the purpose of him being there?
5. Respect My Money and My Time – If you have no regard for other people’s time or you’re constantly late, it’s a red flag. The world doesn’t revolve around you. If we’re on a date — especially a first date — and you go straight to ordering bottles, multiple entrees, to-go plates for other people, essentially taking advantage, there will not be another date. Every man knows a woman who will only say yes to a date for the free meal. It’s a good way to never be invited out again.
6. A Nasty Home – I’m not talking about a junky or cluttered house like you need to put your laundry away. We’re talking about dirty and smelly, to the point where you don’t want to be there. To be frank, men can usually get pass women not cooking, but living trifling is where we have to draw the line.
7. Lack of Maturity – “Have your stuff together. We aren’t getting younger and some people don’t know what a 401k is.” – Ray
“Work through daddy issues…” -Reggie
Things like a lack of modesty, no self-control, participating in too much gossip, twerking on social media, and “fighting in public, horrible timing with rude comments or not being able to control your alcohol,” like Ramos said, also fell into this category. Ratchet behavior is never cute or endearing, ladies.
8. Clinginess – It suggests you don’t have enough involvement, ambition, or activity in your life if all you want to do is be up under a man. You need to have hobbies, interests, or be a part of something. Space in a relationship is underrated.
“She needs to proactively relax and recharge me OR not get mad when I need time away from her to recharge myself if she can’t (in that moment). [It’s] like a second job; I need vacations and appreciation days.” -Kerry
9. Lack of Support – Supporting your man or potential man is uber important.
If you don’t believe in his ambition, dreams and goals, just leave.
10.) Disrespect – “Talking at me, not to me” – Lorenz
“Pushing buttons you’ve been warned not to push”– Al
“I can’t tolerate disrespect of any sort, especially if it’s subtle in the sense that the person thinks I’m unable to discern it. Childish behaviors and no growth mindset. If a woman thinks all men are the same, the underlying issues may be beyond the scope of my specialty, I will not psychoanalyze a person neither do I want it done to me.” – Kerry
Some of the guys also mentioned women who were combative, argumentative, easily offended or women who lack perspective.
This is not a complete list but it speaks to the characteristics that separate the right woman from the wrong ones. Notice that some are actions and some are personality traits. Some men will tell you exactly what will disqualify you, and sometimes we don’t know until we have experienced it. It also depends on the person; we may be willing to accept something from one person that we’d never tolerate from another. Just be sure to make communication a true priority, respect yourself, and respect the man you’re with because certain things can end the relationship immediately.