[Untitled image of it's not you it's me hearts]. Retrieved May 24th, 2017, from: http://static1.1.sqspcdn.com/static/f/803157/19467014/1342486020043/its_not_you_its_me_heart_candy.jpg?token=sAUlQp%2FrLWP8egr5IZmzK%2Bt%2BHUA%3D

Sometimes we meet people and know that we really shouldn’t give them the time of day. Maybe they’re not your type, or maybe they’ve displayed too many negative similarities to an ex—whatever it is, you know after a few conversations that you don’t want to date this person. Many have been in this situation, and instead of following your intuition and ending things early, you keep things going. Now we all know how this ends: the other person ends up hurt. Why do we entertain people past their expiration dates?

[Untitled image of friend zoned guy]. Retrieved May 24th, 2017, from:http://www.capitalfm.co.ke/campus/files/2012/12/friend-zone2.jpg
We do this because we don’t want to feel bad for not giving someone a chance. Subconsciously, we tell ourselves that we can look past the lack of attraction, or that we might be passing up “the one.” Certainly, we’re overly-picky and shallow if we don’t give everyone that pursues us a chance, right? Wrong. These thoughts stem from fear of seeming shallow, and fear of missing out on your soulmate. Allowing fear to take form in any area of your life is never a good idea, so here’s a brief message to remember when your mind starts working against your intuition: you’re not obligated to give everyone a chance! No, you’re not evil and no, you’re not going to die alone because you didn’t date that person. Understanding that you don’t have to entertain everyone that pursues you shows that you know yourself, and you know what you want/don’t want. It’s OK to have standards, it’s OK to have boundaries, and contrary to popular belief, it’s OK to have a type. We’re not saying don’t date outside the box, we’re just saying that it’s ok if you don’t want to! To save yourself from future disappointment, you can end things as soon as your intuition gives you the hint to do so by doing these few things:

1. Be honest– Really, how hard is that? Whatever the reason is, honesty is the best policy and there’s always a nice way to say, “I’m just not that into you.” Even if it does hurt them a little, they’ll respect you for your honesty.

2. Friend Zone– Maybe they’ll be better as friends. Not everyone you meet is your future mate; sometimes you meet people that will be great friends. It’s okay to stress that you don’t want to date and would rather be friends.

3. No Messages– Don’t send any texts, call, or emails, and don’t respond to any either. Try to do this very early so you won’t feel like a jerk. They’ll get the hint and move on.

4. Give a Fake Number– A little childish, but it works. This is great if you’re one of those people with a conscious that haunts you. At least you didn’t turn them down to their face.

If you remember not to entertain negative thoughts, then doing any of these 4 things when necessary should be quite easy. Have you ever thought that maybe you’re not finding your perfect lover because you keep entertaining people that you know you don’t want? That’s surely something to think about the next time you’re deciding whether or not to give a person a chance; don’t let fear delay your ability to find love.

Written By: Kahina Ray

Follow Kahina On Instagram: @_k.ray


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