“You don’t want kids? That’s selfish! Your purpose is to procreate,” said many friends, family and of course strangers. Is it really that strange that I don’t want to bring children into this cruel world? Is it selfish that I desire a husband and a life of travel? Am I really missing out on this precious “blessing,” as they say? In my mind and heart, the answer is no.
For years of shaming, I would try to fathom what exactly was wrong with my mindset. After countless shames, I actually considered it in a past relationship. Over time, I realized that ultimately, I would be doing it just for him. I was negotiating my freedom for the desires of someone else. This one life that I know and live daily should be filled with the pleasures I desire. Dictating what I should do with my life is a task for the ignorant. I exude selflessness— not selfishness. My heart is large, honest and pure. My generosity stretches through the hands and hearts of many. The choice to not have children does not define my character; only people attempt to do that.
As that word dives in and out of my mental, I can only ponder in dismay on why that is my sole duty on this planet as a woman in the minds of many. Barefoot and pregnant was never a vision I held. With a small percentage of free will that we possess, decision-making is key. A creative soul I am; an intelligent woman I am. My creation is not that of children but of writings, lessons and love. Am I less of a woman because I choose to teach children instead of giving birth? Isn’t teaching a form of raising children? My influence on children especially my godchildren is duly noted. Is my gift of writing inferior to bellowing out child? Should I remove my uterus? As conscious as we are in 2016, it’s amazing to hear the shaming from individuals. I should be shamed because I am living my dreams. I should be shamed because I am so-called not partaking in the addition of my descent? Please be aware that my race will still continuously grow whether or not semen connects to my eggs. I am still woman. I am still life. I am not stopping existence. I am staking a claim in my happiness.
I was telling a friend recently that I have three loves in life, writing, traveling and food. The immense joy I gain from it is one to be desired. I often hear, “You have to have children to continue your legacy.” Unbeknownst to them, my legacy will still shine through after my demise based on what mark I put on the world while I am alive. The many greats of the world in any genre: Muhammad Ali, Nelson Mandela, Maya Angelou, Langston Hughes and Prince will forever be remembered based on the life they led and the things they pursued. So, the validity of that statement continues to fall upon my deaf ears. I will be remembered for my writings and the impact I set on others, not for birthing children. I have two godchildren, Kaylin and Myles, and I love them with every bit of my soul and I assist in their growth. Raising children is a fruitful, amazing responsibility, and a salutation is in order to all the great parents in the world, but it’s not written for me, and it’s OK.
Another taunt I receive is, “You just don’t want the responsibility!” From childhood, my parents instilled in me the necessity of responsibility in all aspects of life– especially financial. From teaching to writing to cooking to the 9-5 daily hustle to household duties to adult duties to personal care, I have plenty of responsibilities– plenty. Having children is just not one of them. And that’s OK.
As I continue to observe the world changing into a cruel, cold dungeon, I am more esteemed of my decision. The mere thought of bringing a child into this now wicked world give me chills. For those of you who have, congrats. For those of us who won’t, congrats as well. One of the first lessons I learned as a child was regarding judgement. We are not responsible for that; however, every second of the hour it is passed onto others for choices they deem appropriate for themselves. We all know the ancient adage, “Only God can judge me” and keeping that in the forefront of our minds everyday should be the task at hand. I am not to be lessened or judged for doing what’s best for me and my sanity.
In life, you receive only so many opportunities to be happy and at peace. Walk away from my personal account knowing that I do love and adore children (especially Baby Landon aka Stuff Curry, check his Instagram). I also respect each person’s decisions. “Do as you please; not as I say” is a motto I will forever hold dear. Life is precious, yes, including mine, without children.
Written By: JournalisticChic, Relationships Associate Editor
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