After being hurt, it can be very difficult to move past it. You may believe you’re ready to rebuild yourself, but have you actually forgiven that person if deep down you’re still experiencing hurt? One young lady opened up about how difficult it was for her to actually move past the repeated hurt she has endured, still questioning whether or not she has forgiven the one person she never expected to betray her.
EGL: How long have you been in your current relationship?
AS: I’m currently in a situationship of little over two years and I’m very content.
EGL: Have you been hurt in your current or past relationships to the point where it has created a wound you’re still affected by?
AS: Yes, unfortunately in my last relationship of three years, I lived with a partner that was constantly entertaining alternative relationships. These situations definitely drove me to feeling insecure and not good enough. Asking myself, “What’s wrong with me and why am I not good enough?” I’m still growing from that today.
EGL: Do you believe it has created a burden within the relationship whereas you find yourself constantly battling yourself?
AS: Yes, during the time I was with my ex, I battled myself on leaving him. I knew I should because of all the disrespect and disregard but I wanted to believe the things he told me, and believe he wouldn’t do it again. But I knew he would. That was the crazy part. I battled with myself esteem especially.
EGL: Did you find yourself questioning the future of your relationship at the time?
AS: My past relationship plays a role in how I operate today. I think my past experiences keeps me away from actually wanting a relationship; hence my [being] content with a situationship. I’m more realistic now when it comes to men. I don’t think all men are dogs or all men will cheat but I do know if I don’t choose the right person I’ll end up where I was. Stressing, worrying about a man, his whereabouts, whether or not he truly loves me and is dedicated to me. So I focus on myself.
EGL: Is your previous significant other aware of the lasting effects of his decisions that has made you feel constant hurt?
AS: I always expressed how his actions affected me. But I don’t think he truly took me serious, rather, he thought my emotions were an exaggeration. If he truly understood/cared wouldn’t he try to change?
EGL: Could there be a possibility for growth?
AS: Two years later, we were friends. But I found out he was doing the same thing to someone else as he did to me, while entertaining me. I think this was when I finally was able to let it go of the battle with myself about my worth and my insecurities. I finally was able to grasp that it wasn’t me, nor his new girlfriend, it was him. Possibly his own issue with being unable to commit. I have grown a lot since then. Began loving myself again, getting back to myself and breaking away from the person I created to please him. It’s been overwhelmingly liberating.
EGL: Do you see your lack of forgiveness keeping you away from moving forward in life?
AS: Prior to forgiveness, I didn’t think it was him, I still thought it was me. I still felt inclined to prove myself, my womanhood. It definitely held me back. But my understanding that he is the one who may need to look into himself and fix things allowed me to forgive him.
Forgiving someone does not minimize the level of hurt or pain they caused you. It won’t take back the hurt that was done. But instead of being upset and holding on to anger against those who have hurt you, use your anger as fuel to better yourself. Learn that instead of immediately reacting to certain situations, it’s best to reassess a situation and make another evaluation. But remember this, your happiness is your choice and your anger is your choice. Everything takes time.
Written By: Daion Stanford