As we come into our womanhood, we begin to notice not only our own personal growth but also the lack of growth of those around us. Part of being a woman means rearranging your priorities when necessary and becoming more responsible. While this transition may come as a breeze to you, what do you do if you notice your best friend hasn’t even begun to make her transition?
Now, before you acquire the attitude that she’s grown and can do what she wants, or that you have no right to tell another grown woman to get her mess together because it’s her problem not yours, remember these two statements:
1.) She is your best friend, and if she’s on the wrong track she can ruin her future, which you should be concerned about for obvious reason.
2.) Birds of a feather flock together, and as cliché as it sounds, this saying applies to you in this situation. If your bestie lacks ambition or is still a hardcore party girl, chances are she may throw you off track as well.
Here are a few ways to be encouraging without sounding judgmental or hurting her feelings:
Show instead of tell. Be a good example to your friend. If you show her that you can be responsible and have fun, she may pick up on your ways. If she asks you to go out with her, use this to your advantage! Don’t just say, “Not tonight.” Instead say, “No, I’m gonna focus on my writing. Have you finished that project you were working on?” This offers a subtle suggestion for her to be just as productive. This may lead to a much-needed talk, which bring us to the next tip.
Ask her about her future plans. Do this politely and gently. The point is not for you to figure out her goals but to make her think about them. Clearly her focus is elsewhere so draw her attention toward focusing on her goals by questioning her about them. This talk could definitely help her sort things out.
Offer your assistance and support. Let her know that you’re here to support her in whatever she does. Send out random texts of inspiration to encourage her to get her life on track. “Today is your day. Go out and accomplish your goals!” “Life is too short to not focus on your future.” Refer her to a contact you know who may help her get the ball rolling on achieving her dreams.
Have a “friend-ter-vention.” Sometimes the ones we love need tough love. Call her over for a little chat and cut right to the chase. You can be as blunt as you need to be, but you still want to be wary of her feelings. Share stories of If she’s really a close friend of yours, she’ll listen and value your opinion.
By: Kahina Ray