Hidden in Plain Sight: Molestation and How Denial Causes Unhealthy Relationships

Molestation Image 1: (Girl with hands covering her mouth) Retrieved August 28, 2016. From www.clergyabuseinminnesota.com/img/slides/clergy-child-abuse-lawyers.jpg
Molestation Image 1: (Girl with hands covering her mouth) Retrieved August 28, 2016. From www.clergyabuseinminnesota.com/img/slides/clergy-child-abuse-lawyers.jpg

There is a woman who lives an angry, isolated, uninhibited life. Each day she reruns in her mind disturbing events that happened during her childhood, which eventually caused her to engage in unhealthy relationships. Lisa sits on a park bench for many hours late night after work wondering; what was it that she did wrong, how could she have protected herself, and why no one cared enough to come to her rescue? To neighbors and friends it appears that she has it all together; beautiful, intelligent, the perfect job all the while she’s broken, and experiencing torment day after day with thoughts of humiliation and guilt from her past.

This woman grew up in a large family which to others seemed to be a loving, nurturing, stable, household. With six brothers and two sisters there was never a dull moment in the home but in every family there is a code of silence amongst siblings – secrets hidden in plain sight. Late night while her parents were sleeping, boundaries were crossed and inaccurate ideals of relationships began to form. Brothers are expected to protect their sisters but like a quote from the movie Color Purple says, “A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men,” or boys in this case which unhappily Lisa found to be true at the age of twelve.

The molestation continued for more than a year at which time Lisa’s mother began to notice subtle changes in her daughter’s attitude and behavior. She began skipping school, talking back to her parents, and distanced herself from other family members. The outgoing, smart, loveable little girl everyone came to love had been violated and wounded. Feeling ashamed, Lisa was afraid to tell anyone about the secret shared between herself and her older brother.

One morning as Lisa was taking a shower, her mother walked into the bathroom to drop off fresh towels and noticed a small bump growing inside of her daughter’s belly. Mrs. Jones rightfully pulled back the shower curtains and began to immediately question her daughter. Lisa was confused, and frighten not understanding the full capacity of the situation. She was a child herself. Lisa finally told her mother the truth, she was molested by her older brother and the child was his, her mother then slapped her, called her inappropriate names and a liar. From that day forward Lisa’s life was never the same. She was branded a liar in the family, forced to get an abortion and never received counseling.

Due to denial of the molestation and not receiving counseling, Lisa is promiscuous, been married six times, and engages in dysfunctional relationships to include her mother and children. Her interpretation of how healthy relationships are supposed to function is tainted and distorted.

Lisa’s brother recently apologized for stealing her innocence but her mother still refuses to believe the occurrences actually happened. If you are Lisa, it’s never too late to heal the broken pieces and restore your mind, body and spirit. If your daughter or family member gathers enough courage to confide in you that they’ve been molested, listen, acknowledge, take legal action if necessary and receive counseling.

Don’t settle for being a victim, you are an overcomer.

Written By: K. Kares

Follow K. Kares on Instagram @iamkimfields

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