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We’ve all seen the memes that are trying to dissuade women from giving boyfriends “husband treatment.” The idea behind this old school saying is that if a man is getting everything he wants from a woman without having to marry her, why would he marry her?

So how do you decide which perks are for husbands alone? Do they kick in after the wedding or after the proposal? Where does one acquire this rule book for getting a man to put a ring on it??

The issue with this saying and a lot of ideologies that we refer back to when discussing rules of modern dating and relationships is that they’re outdated and come from a time when courting was more likely to lead to marriage. People married younger, stayed together longer and it was usually more out of necessity than desire. The hook-up culture and casual sex was less acceptable if not barely existent. In 2018, people are living together long before marriage, and living in general is more expensive. Gender roles are blurred with most households needing two incomes to stay afloat. Times have changed.

If you are a virgin or have decided to abstain until marriage, you give literal meaning to a man having to buy the cow to get the milk. Otherwise, the issue is more that women are giving UNDESERVING men the husband treatment. The only thing that should dictate how you treat your partner and your relationship is how they treat you. If you have a man who is amazing, patient, kind, doting, caters to you and makes you feel like a queen, then damn right, he deserves to be treated like a king. If your man doesn’t possess these qualities, maybe he shouldn’t be your man.

Your relationship is a taste tester for what marriage will be like with that person. Getting married isn’t a quick fix. Whatever exists during your relationship, good or bad, will most likely continue. How exactly does a couple decide they should be married if they have no idea what they’re getting into? There are exceptions to every rule, i.e. arranged marriages, but special circumstances aside, both parties in a relationship should be putting their best foot forward in a long-term relationship that has marriage potential.

Speaking of marriage potential, make sure that there is always open communication about what you and your partner are working toward and what you want. There’s definitely no use in giving husband treatment to a man who has no interest in being a husband.

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If you have a good man, cook for him, iron a shirt or two, make him feel like a king (as long as he makes you feel like a queen). Of course, even then, you’re not guaranteed a ring. But if the love, attention and affection are mutual throughout the relationship, you won’t end up feeling like you wasted time. Trust and believe, if he loves the milk, he wants that cow FOREVER!

 

Written By: Ayana Conry

Follow Ayana on Instagram: @mzyanibaby

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