While many households do not have a father or father figure living in it, it has previously been taboo to be a single mom. Whether or not it’s stated, single mothers have a certain amount of obstacles to overcome outside of the parenting itself. People perceive you to be “less than” or always in need of something. Whether it is finances, groceries or male interaction, someone is always suggesting that you need some help. While this maybe true in some cases, in plenty others it is not. Mothers everywhere, regardless of the situation, make miracles happen without announcing that they did. Being a mother means you have to do it. This is a role taken on with no condition. There are a few scenarios that the single mom has chosen.
- I opted to be a single mom!
For many who desire to have a child but are not married or have a partner in sight, women are purposely doing it alone. The driving factor behind this decision maybe age or the lack of time. Many women have chosen to focus on education, careers, traveling and even themselves and time may have simply passed them by. In the prime of their lives they chose to live life and the opportunity for a relationship or a child, was not what they desired at the time. For the single, economically stable, well-equipped woman, fertility clinics and adoption have become a viable option. This woman may have it all, but the one thing that’s missing is a child. If she has planned her life accordingly, she probably has also lined up the male figures she wants to participate in her future child’s life. She is no less of a parent because she decided to do it by herself.
- I signed up for marriage!
Many married mothers experience the same things that single mothers do. The father may be a physical presence in the home, but lacking on all other levels. She may make all of the decisions and involved in the child’s everyday life, but because the father lives in the home, it is perceived that all is well. This type of situation may even be a little worse than if the father was not there because he chooses to check out.
We have looked at two very different kinds of women, who for their choices, can be judged accordingly AND incorrectly. However, the stigma attached to one may be the actual life of the other. The assumptions attached to single mothers should be erased. Whether unmarried or married, one cannot possibly decipher that the circumstance is ideal based on a wedding ring and partner. It should come as no surprise when a child is doing well “despite” coming from a single parent home.
When a mother is committed to her child, single or married, support system or not, she will make it work. The single mom is not always in need and is sometimes the one lending, not needing, a hand.
Written by: Joyanne Lawrence, Staff Writer, Modern Domestic