[Two women sitting on Couch Talking]. Retrieved March 24, 2016. From http://www.afromum.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/blackwomentalking.jpg

The moment you’ve been dreading has finally arrived: your new guy’s ex has asked to have a private meeting with you to discuss the kid(s) they have together. Your man may have advised you on how to handle her in the past but you’ve decided to accept her request with the best intentions moving forward.

You know her boundaries with the kids, and what actions she prefers for you to take regarding discipline and respect, but you have a few concerns of your own. This is your opportunity to either form a friendship or to make an enemy. Here are five suggestions that may help you incorporate his ex into your new life.

1.    Stand your ground-  Be a woman and come to her correct. She will respect the fact that you took time to acknowledge her position in the family that she created and will learn to understand yours.

[Alicia Keys, Mashonda and Swizz Beats]. Retrieved April 1, 2016. From: http://bossip.com/935809/its-a-new-day-swizz-beatz-slobs-down-alicia-keys-right-next-to-ex-wife-mashonda-during-family-vacay/
[Alicia Keys, Mashonda and Swizz Beats]. Retrieved April 1, 2016. From: http://bossip.com/935809/its-a-new-day-swizz-beatz-slobs-down-alicia-keys-right-next-to-ex-wife-mashonda-during-family-vacay/

2.     Assure her that you won’t try to replace her- No woman would ever prefer to have another woman to help raise their child, but the beauty of blended families is having the best of both worlds. There’s no “I” in team so always focus on the goal of bonding and growing together as one.

3.    Be genuine and helpful- Don’t be fake. A person can tell when the love isn’t real. You might not ever be the best of friends but try to be open and honest for the family’s sake. There will be many joint events and gatherings that she’ll be a part of, and no one likes weird chemistry.

4.     Share your pet peeves– If you have them let her know. Sometimes you have to draw that line in the sand as a wife and let her know what will not be tolerated. She’ll respect you for having a voice.

5.    Be respectful– If you show respect, you will get respect. Don’t walk into this situation with old feelings and negative thoughts. If the conversation goes well, it will have a positive impact on everyone’s life.

Written By: Tamara U. Butler

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