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[Untitled image of settling quote]. Retrieved February 19th, 2016, from: http://www.searchquotes.com/sof/images/picture_quotes/31525_20131001_150936_relationships10.jpgj
There probably isn’t a woman alive that doesn’t have an idea of what their dream guy is like. So you meet a guy and he’s nice, there’s chemistry there, but ehhh, he’s just not everything you want in a man. Yet, you decide to give him a chance and now since you’ve been dating, he wants to take things further. He wants to be your man. Now if you feel, even a little, that you want something different but still enter a relationship with him…congratulations! You’ve officially settled. You may find yourself stuck somewhere between, “I want to be optimistic about this,” and, “I should’ve listened to my gut instinct,” sounds familiar right? Well, you shouldn’t ignore your dilemma, instead you should continue reading below to find out why settling is a disaster waiting to happen.

  1. You will constantly try to change him. More than likely this will happen subconsciously, and it’s going to be confusing to your man. He’s not your dream man, so you’re going to try to mold him into it. You may not notice you’re doing it, but he will be well aware that you’re trying to fix him, and this can lead to arguments and/or him cheating.
  2. Cheating will take place. Tons of cheating will take place, and more than likely it will be the both of you. He will feel like you don’t want him, so will find someone that does. You will find what you’re looking for, but because you don’t want to hurt him or you may feel like he depends on you, you will stay and cheat instead of just leaving.
  3. You’re going to be embarrassed of him. You’ll notice how embarrassed you are when he keeps asking to meet your family and friends and you keep coming up with excuses for why it’s not the right time or you’re just not ready. You know that you can do better, and if you know this then for sure your family and friends know it. Next thing you know, you’re relationship is going to turn into a secret love affair.
  4. You will turn into a demanding, controlling, unsatisfied maniac. Okay, maniac is probably a stretch, but you will look like a maniac to him. Nothing he does will satisfy you, even if he does make important changes to evolve into the man you want him to be, you won’t notice. You may turn into someone you never thought you’d be: hurtful, criticizing, judgmental, and pessimistic. You’re going to find yourself in the middle of a verbally abusive relationship.
  5. Unhappiness will be the tone of the relationship. Your unhappiness is going to make him unhappy. Be prepared for lying, confusion, accusations, dishonesty, lack of trust, embarrassment, constant arguing and fighting, etc. Nine times out of 10, because you chose to settle you suffer from insecurity somewhere within you, so you’re going to put up with the drama because you don’t love yourself enough to walk away.

In the end, you’re going to find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship that may be extremely hard to get out of. To avoid this, try telling your mate exactly how you feel before getting into a relationship, and if possible try to prolong the dating process until you can honestly say you want to be with him. It can save you both from wasting time and experiencing a whirlwind of chaos that leads to heartbreak.

Written By: Kahina Ray

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