GET OUT OF MY P****! Hey, don’t blame the messenger, I’m only quoting the ugly words of one of the most beautiful women in the world…Gabrielle Union. These words are only ugly because they stand in atonement for our negative societal norms when it comes to women and fertility. When are you going to have kids? Why don’t you have kids? Is something wrong with you? These questions exposing the limited views of one’s womanhood would make any woman yell! So, WE do get it Gabby, and WE stand with you. Let’s put on our boxing gloves as we explore the sentiment behind GET OUT OF MY P****, the introduction to Chapter 15 of We’re Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union, as she candidly lays out her humiliating yet enlightening ROUNDS with infertility.
Round 1- Please, never assume a woman to be pregnant. The assumption can be very painful especially when they may have just had a traumatic fertility experience.
Round 2- Please, censor yourself from saying that the person and their spouse would have cute babies…they know! Of course, when you marry or you’re with your significant other, you can always imagine what your babies would look like. It’s so heartbreaking to realize that you may never get to find out.
Round 3- Please, keep from jumping to conclusions that a woman is pregnant just because you see them at the doctor’s office. Women go to the doctor’s offices for millions of reasons, don’t jump to the conclusion when a friend says; I’m going to the doctor’s office. Why, are you pregnant? That question can really cut a woman deep.
Round 4- Please, don’t ask if she’s seeing a fertility doctor…she has… that’s how she knows there’s a problem.
Round 5- Please, hold off on the baby shower invites. They are happy for you or another loved one, but please be mindful of how you throw around those invites.
Round 6- Please, try not to share too many baby pictures of your newborns or those beautiful baby bumps, to give her hope. Could you imagine having your hearts desires placed right in front of you and never being able to attain them?
Round 7- Please, know how expensive fertility treatment is financially and spiritually. IVF can run in the tens of thousands of dollars and may not take or may miscarry at any time. It’s hard to just try again.
Round 8- Please, she loves your new baby but holding them does not make her uterus work better…it just breaks her heart a little more.
Round 9- Please, direct some of the infertility questions to the spouse…who knows it could be him. The blame always goes directly to the woman and she’s having a hard enough time coping. Ask him, those dying nosy baby questions sometimes.
Round 10- Please, accept that she will be a woman even if she doesn’t fit into everyone else’s standard of womanhood.
Infertility is an emptiness that is all too consuming, PLEASE, just be nice.
Written By: Sabreen Shabazz-Straker